Family, Loss, and Father's Day

Yeah...I know. A long title. Well, this will probably be a long blog.

For the last two weeks, Hubby and I have been making 5 hr. drives to go see his grandma who lives out of state. These drives have been unplanned and last minute. The first trip started with a phone call while I was at work. Hubby had received a call saying his grandma had been taken to the hospital and was in ICU and that we needed to come see her right away. So, I got a friend of mine to sub me (she had taught in ECP for almost 30 years before she retired last year), packed up stuff for my son and made a 2 hour-round-trip to my mom's to drop Peanut off. On my way home from my mom's, Hubby called and said that Granny was better so we didn't have to go down until Sat. (it was Wed.). Needless to say, I vetoed that idea. There was NO way that I was going to make another 2 hour drive to get my son, call and cancel my sub, and then have Hubby's family call us the next day and have to do it all over again. So, we went down and spent a few days with family at the hospital in the ICU waiting room and talking to Granny (although with a breathing tube, we did the talking and she blinked when she was able). After a few days, there hadn't been much change and the Drs. still didn't know why she was sick, so Hubby and I came home.

This past weekend, we were set to go back to see Granny on Saturday after Peanut attended his last swim class until fall. We received a call telling us to come down Friday night because on Saturday morning they were going to take Granny off of life support (various reasons). Thankfully my school year had ended 2 days before so I didn't have to get someone to cover my class, but finding someone to watch Peanut was not easy. After 2 hours of making phone calls (nobody was home!), my brother finally returned my call. My sweet brother and his wife, quickly agreed to take Peanut for the weekend (don't tell my brother I said he was sweet...it'll go to his already large head...hee hee). So, off we went again.

Saturday morning, the family gathered at the hospital. My brother-in-law's fiance fell apart first (she and my brother-in-law live close to Granny and every Sunday would run her errands, do her shopping and spend the day with her). When we took our turns saying good-bye to Granny, I'm the one that fell apart...emitting one of those loud sobs that can take you by surprise (so embarrassing). My future sis-in-law and I shared a chuckle over that, because we are usually the two "strong ones" and we were the two falling apart. We got ourselves pulled together and then the Drs. removed the life support. My Hubby, his aunt, Dad and Step-mom stayed with Granny until she took her last breath. It was so brave of my Hubby, who has only lost a Great-Grandfather, a Grandfather, and our 2 girls. His Granny had been like a second mom to him, so when this finally hits him, it's going to be really hard.

Yesterday was spent meeting with the funeral director and getting everything settled. Granny had left some instruction on what she wanted (not as much as my sis-in-law and I thought was going to be left by what Granny had told us) and the rest we guessed. Granny left a letter to be read at the funeral. I will be reading that. I'm hoping since I will be reading the letter first thing, that I will be able to make it through. Thankfully, it's not a mushy letter or overly sentimental. It'll be difficult, but I feel that I have to do this as a way of honoring a woman that would do anything for her family.

So, while Father's Day was not celebrated by my husband's family and my Dad understood why I couldn't be with him, I am so thankful for all of the men in my life. My Dad has always been there for me. My Father-in-law is a good man who loves his sons, daughters-in-law, and grandchild. My Hubby amazes me with the grace and strength with which he has handled his greatest losses (holding his daughter while she took her last breathe when I was whisked away to surgery and couldn't, and staying with his grandma while she took her last breath). My son who is absolutely my "Son-shine".

One last "Thank you" also has to be made to my son's first dad. Birth father's so often get a bad rap or no mention at all. They are all too often ignored. So, I wanted to take a moment and thank the man that decided to give me the gift of a child. I know that my son's first father had problems (it's been hinted at that there were drugs and he had a violet temper), but he was strong enough to realize that these problems would not allow him to be the best father he could be (this was told to me by Peanut's first mom...not something I'm projecting onto him)...not to mention that Peanut would have been his father's 10th child and Peanut's birth father just couldn't afford any more children.

So, to Peanut's first dad...where ever you are...thank you...thank you...thank you. You will never know how much your sacrifice means to us. When you are clean and sober, know that you will be welcomed into our lives. God Bless you.

"The Best Day of My Life"

This past weekend I attended my cousin's wedding. It was a nice wedding. Despite the forecast for storms, it was a mostly sunny and warm day. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood and there were no fights (in my extended family that is a rare thing). The thing is, I overheard phrases like, "This is the best day of my life," and "My wedding was the happiest day of my life." To me, that is sad. When I made the mistake of commenting on it, certain members of my family disagreed. They truly believed that a wedding should be the "happiest day of your life."

I disagree (although I dropped the subject at the wedding...not wanting to wanting to cause any tension). I think that your wedding day should be a special and a happy one, but if you put the expectation of it being the "best", you are bound to be let down. Also, there are so many chances to have "best days" why limit it?

Now, I do admit to having best days and times. But, I always refer to it in plural so that I'm not limited to one. My best days/times are: my wedding day; the day I found out I was pregnant for the first time; the day my son was born; every day/time my son tells me he loves me...and that's just a few!

I also have a worst day of my life. Now I hope that I will always have only one of those...however, I know it may not happen. My worst day is the day my daughter's died. I don't know how it can get worse, but I don't want to "jinx" myself by spending too much time dwelling on that because I know it can.

So, here's to hoping you have many "best days" and only one "worst day."

Until next time...