Today was a fabulous day. I didn't have to work today (yeah!), so Peanut and I were able to spend the day together. He was so good!! His birth family (mom, brother and sister) came over today (for the first time since he was about 6 months old), so we spent the early morning cleaning the house.
Peanut was so excited about meeting his brother. His brother is in 3rd grade and an absolute sweetie. Peanut kept saying, "Mama...is ---- coming over today? ---- is gonna play cars with me." Peanut also wanted to meet "K., my first mama." The funny thing is, when they got here and were in the house, the little guy clung to me like they were going to eat him. They are so nice, but he wasn't used to them and felt a little overwhelmed. At one point, (after about an hour of clinging) I was like..."Listen, go play with ---- and ------ or I'm going for a walk around the block and leaving you here with them."
Peanut eventually warmed up and even gave hugs when they left...although he wouldn't hug his brother (whom Peanut was in awe of). Poor ---- was so hurt, but didn't let it show...too much. When I apologized for Peanut's behavior, ---- said, "that's ok." I replied, "No, it isn't. But it's nice of you to say so." To which the third grader said, "Yeah, it is. I have all the hugs I need right here," and with that he pointed to his mom, K. Awe. What a sweetheart...of course so is Peanut's sister.
Our time with Peanut's birth family ended with promises to get together again before Christmas. We have lots of wonderful pictures of our time together> I would love to post them here and show the world our families (in my heart and mind we are family), but I don't want to invade anyone's privacy. Needless to say...I a fairly nice looking bunch!
Back to Peanut and his behavior, which lately have been the source of MANY headaches for me...he was awesome! He "helped" me wash dishes (he ended up with more water on the floor and counter than was in the sink...but the dishes were mostly clean...I only had to touch up a couple), cook, and bake dinner. He also told me he put the soap in the dishwasher (I thought he meant last night he helped Hubby, but I was wrong).
Today was a much needed wonderful day. I am thankful. Tomorrow will hopefully be another fab day as we spend it with my family (we see my in-laws...half of them at least...on Saturday).
Happy Thanksgiving. Here's wishing/hoping/praying that you have lots to be thankful for.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
The Saga Continues...
Well, we made it through the weekend ok. Peanut made it through Saturday only losing three boxes and Sunday losing two (of course on Sunday the little dear was sick). Today was the first day at the sitter's with his "behavior chart."
The day did not start out good. Hubby woke up resembling a bear (grumpy...not hairy). He started in on Peanut without any good reason (P and I were talking while I was brushing my teeth and H started yelling at P to leave the bathroom because H wanted to shave and P tends to grab at his stuff...P had not done anything as of this time). When Peanut hit Hubby instead of using his words to say what he felt, Hubby didn't say anything. I reminded him that Peanut needed to "lose a box" and in order for it to be useful it had to happen right away.
Hubby had another "fit." He wanted me to take away the box. I explained to him that he had to do it because Peanut hit him. Needless to say, it didn't happen. So much for, "I'll back you up on anything you decide might help him." He should have added "...as long as it doesn't inconvenience me."
The sitter today wasn't much better. I had filled her in on the system and how it worked and why we were doing it the way we were. When I got to her house to pick up Peanut, he had only lost 2 boxes (yeah!). Both were due to hitting a little girl (who's actually older than Peanut) within a half hour of her getting back from preschool. When I told Peanut that I was proud of him for only losing two boxes, the sitter informed me that today his problem was that he was throwing stuff. Of course she had also called me at work to tell me a funny story about my son telling some lady who was coughing, "don't look at me...you're just faking." I was mortified...she laughed. She also said that her husband had been rough-housing with Peanut and Peanut had told him that he had to use "nice hands." Again...I didn't find it funny (am I losing my sense of humor?). You can't rough-house with a two, almost three-year-old child and not expect him to carry that behavior over.
Today, I'm feeling exhausted again. Not only am I trying to rid Peanut of his undesirable behaviors, but now I have to "fight" hubby and the babysitter on my method of fixing the behavior when they had both asked me to come up with a solution. If they have a better one, I am more than willing to try it. Not to mention that I am getting the feeling that no matter what I do, the sitter won't be happy. For some reason, I feel that she just doesn't want to watch Peanut anymore. When I told this to hubby and said that we should just take Peanut back to his old daycare center, he got upset with me!
I'm telling you...I just don't know how much more of this I can take before I crack.
The day did not start out good. Hubby woke up resembling a bear (grumpy...not hairy). He started in on Peanut without any good reason (P and I were talking while I was brushing my teeth and H started yelling at P to leave the bathroom because H wanted to shave and P tends to grab at his stuff...P had not done anything as of this time). When Peanut hit Hubby instead of using his words to say what he felt, Hubby didn't say anything. I reminded him that Peanut needed to "lose a box" and in order for it to be useful it had to happen right away.
Hubby had another "fit." He wanted me to take away the box. I explained to him that he had to do it because Peanut hit him. Needless to say, it didn't happen. So much for, "I'll back you up on anything you decide might help him." He should have added "...as long as it doesn't inconvenience me."
The sitter today wasn't much better. I had filled her in on the system and how it worked and why we were doing it the way we were. When I got to her house to pick up Peanut, he had only lost 2 boxes (yeah!). Both were due to hitting a little girl (who's actually older than Peanut) within a half hour of her getting back from preschool. When I told Peanut that I was proud of him for only losing two boxes, the sitter informed me that today his problem was that he was throwing stuff. Of course she had also called me at work to tell me a funny story about my son telling some lady who was coughing, "don't look at me...you're just faking." I was mortified...she laughed. She also said that her husband had been rough-housing with Peanut and Peanut had told him that he had to use "nice hands." Again...I didn't find it funny (am I losing my sense of humor?). You can't rough-house with a two, almost three-year-old child and not expect him to carry that behavior over.
Today, I'm feeling exhausted again. Not only am I trying to rid Peanut of his undesirable behaviors, but now I have to "fight" hubby and the babysitter on my method of fixing the behavior when they had both asked me to come up with a solution. If they have a better one, I am more than willing to try it. Not to mention that I am getting the feeling that no matter what I do, the sitter won't be happy. For some reason, I feel that she just doesn't want to watch Peanut anymore. When I told this to hubby and said that we should just take Peanut back to his old daycare center, he got upset with me!
I'm telling you...I just don't know how much more of this I can take before I crack.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Breaking My Heart
They say that motherhood will break your heart (along with bringing you great joy). The last few weeks (maybe it's been longer) are proving that to be true.
Peanut is giving us a run for our money. Hubby and I are at our wits end and don't know what to do. His poor sitter is feeling the same way. If fact, she even suggested that maybe he would benefit from going some place else for two days a week or more. How's that for kindly telling you that if your child doesn't straighten up, he'll not be welcome back.
Apparently, the little darling is becoming very aggressive. It takes a lot of probing to get specifics out of her (the sitter/daycare lady), but it seems that he is hitting, kicking, banging on things, etc. He is also not listening to her. He has been going into her refrigerator and helping himself to food, not taking naps or settling down for quiet time (he's loud and bothers the other children while they are trying to sleep), and he's throwing things.
One of the problems could be blamed on hubby and I, but not all. The fact that he goes into the refrigerator...he is encouraged to wait on himself at home. We have, however, tried explaining to him that he can't do that at daycare. The other behaviors that she sees are also behaviors that we see at home.
I don't see the behaviors as much during the week as on the weekends, but then again, I don't see him as long on a weekday as I do on the weekend...the same is true for my husband...although hubby has more difficulties with Peanut than I do...usually.
Things have gotten so bad, that I went to the social worker at work yesterday and asked for her opinion. She gave me the number of a lady that works with daycare centers helping them deal with difficult children (I'm having a hard time thinking of Peanut this way but I guess he is). I will call her Monday. Unfortunately, the sw thinks that it is only for low income families so we won't qualify. This whole situation is just breaking my heart. I love this little guy so much that I don't want others to dislike being around him because of his behavior.
In the mean time, Hubby and I have come up with a plan that we hope will work. We tried it today and have already seen a decrease in hitting and kicking (although the other behaviors were still pushing us to our limits of endurance). The plan is simple. He started the morning with a paper with five boxes on it (the number was decided on after estimating how many times a day he hit or kicked and then picking a number that we felt was a reasonable goal...one he could obtain but still greatly reduced the estimated number). Each time he hit or kicked (us or anything) he would get an X in a box. If all of the boxes got X'ed out, then he would loose television privledges. He doesn't watch a lot of t.v. (more than he should...he shouldn't watch any, but not as much as other children), but there are 3-4 movies he likes to watch. Please know when I say "watch" I mean he'll sit for a bit, then he'll play while the t.v. plays in the background (he'll stop periodically to sing the songs in the movies). He LOVES his t.v. time (all shows/movies are non-violent/aggressive).
Today, he managed to only get three boxes X'ed out and was able to have all of his t.v. time. We'll try it again tomorrow and plan on continuing it for the entire week. After one week, if it seems to be working, we'll drop the number of boxes to 4, etc. If it's not working, then back to the drawing board we'll go. In the mean time, we are struggling to deal with the other behaviors. Today, he didn't want to take a nap (or have quiet time) so he ended up pulling the football off of his lamp. While I was not happy (a huge understatement) about it, it can be fixed relatively easily. I can also guess that he wanted to play with the football and because this is an actual toy football adhered to the lamp base (along with a minature basketball, soccer ball, and baseball) he thought he could use that one. The consequences were that his lamp was taken away (he loved the lamp).
Later, he kept throwing a ball in the house (that's against the rules). The consequence of that was that ALL of his balls (baseball pillow, football pillow, football, kick ball, etc.) were taken away for a week. The other "infractions" he commited were dealt with by spending time in time out. Our hope is that there will be a decrease in the aggressive behavior and then we can move on and focus on other behaviors.
While we are dealing with the behaviors we are trying to figure out WHY they are occuring. Are they related to his age? A stage? Is he seeking attention ("yes" with some, "no" with others)? Is it impulsivity? Is the impulsivity related to diet? To the fact that his birth father was addicted to crack when Peanut was conceived? Does he have ADHD? ( I have suspected this from the time he was an infant and had to be swaddled in order to sleep, then later he would...and still does to some extent..."spin" in his bed. The ADHD, even though it is a very real probability, will be the last thing we will look at. Not because we don't believe it to be true (it's probably the one thing we do think is true), but because I don't believe in putting a child on medication at this young of age (2 years 10 months) for ADHD unless things are really bad. At any age, I think all of the other strategies need to be tried first. I believe in medicating children if needed (I wouldn't deny him meds for his asthma, but I still try to control his exposure to the things/situations that cause it to flair up), but after other less drastic measures have been tried.
Well, it's getting late and I need to be up in the a.m. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them (that's if anyone were to actually stop by and read this blog).
Until later...
Peanut is giving us a run for our money. Hubby and I are at our wits end and don't know what to do. His poor sitter is feeling the same way. If fact, she even suggested that maybe he would benefit from going some place else for two days a week or more. How's that for kindly telling you that if your child doesn't straighten up, he'll not be welcome back.
Apparently, the little darling is becoming very aggressive. It takes a lot of probing to get specifics out of her (the sitter/daycare lady), but it seems that he is hitting, kicking, banging on things, etc. He is also not listening to her. He has been going into her refrigerator and helping himself to food, not taking naps or settling down for quiet time (he's loud and bothers the other children while they are trying to sleep), and he's throwing things.
One of the problems could be blamed on hubby and I, but not all. The fact that he goes into the refrigerator...he is encouraged to wait on himself at home. We have, however, tried explaining to him that he can't do that at daycare. The other behaviors that she sees are also behaviors that we see at home.
I don't see the behaviors as much during the week as on the weekends, but then again, I don't see him as long on a weekday as I do on the weekend...the same is true for my husband...although hubby has more difficulties with Peanut than I do...usually.
Things have gotten so bad, that I went to the social worker at work yesterday and asked for her opinion. She gave me the number of a lady that works with daycare centers helping them deal with difficult children (I'm having a hard time thinking of Peanut this way but I guess he is). I will call her Monday. Unfortunately, the sw thinks that it is only for low income families so we won't qualify. This whole situation is just breaking my heart. I love this little guy so much that I don't want others to dislike being around him because of his behavior.
In the mean time, Hubby and I have come up with a plan that we hope will work. We tried it today and have already seen a decrease in hitting and kicking (although the other behaviors were still pushing us to our limits of endurance). The plan is simple. He started the morning with a paper with five boxes on it (the number was decided on after estimating how many times a day he hit or kicked and then picking a number that we felt was a reasonable goal...one he could obtain but still greatly reduced the estimated number). Each time he hit or kicked (us or anything) he would get an X in a box. If all of the boxes got X'ed out, then he would loose television privledges. He doesn't watch a lot of t.v. (more than he should...he shouldn't watch any, but not as much as other children), but there are 3-4 movies he likes to watch. Please know when I say "watch" I mean he'll sit for a bit, then he'll play while the t.v. plays in the background (he'll stop periodically to sing the songs in the movies). He LOVES his t.v. time (all shows/movies are non-violent/aggressive).
Today, he managed to only get three boxes X'ed out and was able to have all of his t.v. time. We'll try it again tomorrow and plan on continuing it for the entire week. After one week, if it seems to be working, we'll drop the number of boxes to 4, etc. If it's not working, then back to the drawing board we'll go. In the mean time, we are struggling to deal with the other behaviors. Today, he didn't want to take a nap (or have quiet time) so he ended up pulling the football off of his lamp. While I was not happy (a huge understatement) about it, it can be fixed relatively easily. I can also guess that he wanted to play with the football and because this is an actual toy football adhered to the lamp base (along with a minature basketball, soccer ball, and baseball) he thought he could use that one. The consequences were that his lamp was taken away (he loved the lamp).
Later, he kept throwing a ball in the house (that's against the rules). The consequence of that was that ALL of his balls (baseball pillow, football pillow, football, kick ball, etc.) were taken away for a week. The other "infractions" he commited were dealt with by spending time in time out. Our hope is that there will be a decrease in the aggressive behavior and then we can move on and focus on other behaviors.
While we are dealing with the behaviors we are trying to figure out WHY they are occuring. Are they related to his age? A stage? Is he seeking attention ("yes" with some, "no" with others)? Is it impulsivity? Is the impulsivity related to diet? To the fact that his birth father was addicted to crack when Peanut was conceived? Does he have ADHD? ( I have suspected this from the time he was an infant and had to be swaddled in order to sleep, then later he would...and still does to some extent..."spin" in his bed. The ADHD, even though it is a very real probability, will be the last thing we will look at. Not because we don't believe it to be true (it's probably the one thing we do think is true), but because I don't believe in putting a child on medication at this young of age (2 years 10 months) for ADHD unless things are really bad. At any age, I think all of the other strategies need to be tried first. I believe in medicating children if needed (I wouldn't deny him meds for his asthma, but I still try to control his exposure to the things/situations that cause it to flair up), but after other less drastic measures have been tried.
Well, it's getting late and I need to be up in the a.m. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them (that's if anyone were to actually stop by and read this blog).
Until later...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Breast Story
Have you ever had a Dr. make you feel stupid or foolish? It happened (not for the first time) to me today.
For the past month I've had a lump in my left breast. I didn't do anything about it, because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a pimple or ingrown hair or a swollen lymph node. For the last week, I've been debating about what to do. I talked to a friend and she convinced me to call the Dr. to have it checked.
I called and was able to get in to see the Dr. this afternoon. I had told the nurse/receptionist that it was probably nothing and I was over-reacting. When the doctor came in to the room, I told her the same thing. She said that it was fine and better to check it out then let it go. When she examined me she said (not kindly), "It looks like a pimple or hair." Ok. I had just told her that it might be one of those two items. Instead of stopping there, she went on. "Weren't you just in here in January?" (It's now November.) "I would have said if I'd have found something wrong." (Thought these things could just appear...didn't know that it took a certain amount of time to grow.)
So, anyway...on she went. In the five minutes it took for her to examine me, she found nothing wrong and took me from 5'6" to 1" tall. If she just would have changed her tone of voice...I might not have felt so bad.
Despite the fact that she said (although her tone of voice and mannerisms indicated otherwise) it was better to have it check than not, I will probably wait longer if I ever find a lump in my breast again.
In the mean time, I will enjoy knowing the I'm healthy.
For the past month I've had a lump in my left breast. I didn't do anything about it, because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a pimple or ingrown hair or a swollen lymph node. For the last week, I've been debating about what to do. I talked to a friend and she convinced me to call the Dr. to have it checked.
I called and was able to get in to see the Dr. this afternoon. I had told the nurse/receptionist that it was probably nothing and I was over-reacting. When the doctor came in to the room, I told her the same thing. She said that it was fine and better to check it out then let it go. When she examined me she said (not kindly), "It looks like a pimple or hair." Ok. I had just told her that it might be one of those two items. Instead of stopping there, she went on. "Weren't you just in here in January?" (It's now November.) "I would have said if I'd have found something wrong." (Thought these things could just appear...didn't know that it took a certain amount of time to grow.)
So, anyway...on she went. In the five minutes it took for her to examine me, she found nothing wrong and took me from 5'6" to 1" tall. If she just would have changed her tone of voice...I might not have felt so bad.
Despite the fact that she said (although her tone of voice and mannerisms indicated otherwise) it was better to have it check than not, I will probably wait longer if I ever find a lump in my breast again.
In the mean time, I will enjoy knowing the I'm healthy.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Question
What is it about our children that makes us question everything about ourselves? Of course, it's possible that I'm the only one that feels that way, but I can't truly believe that I am.
I am a preschool special education teacher (currently) that has also worked with students in grades K-6. I have worked with students with a wide range of disabilities ranging from autism to learning disabilities to emotional impairments to moderate cognitive impairments to mild speech delays. I am a good teacher. Parents frequently request that their child is placed in my classroom. I am frequently given the students with behavior problems and students labeled as "tough to teach." My classes fill up before any of the other teachers. I may not always feel like it, but I know that I am a good teacher.
So, how is it that I feel that I am a sub-par mom? My son is 2 years 10 months old...just a bit younger than my youngest student. I use the same methods to disipline my child as I do my students. I am consistent and fairly structured...yet flexible (yes, you can be both). On paper, I do everything right. In reality, I'm doing something wrong...somewhere.
My child is aggressive (spitting, hitting, kicking), back talks, and doesn't follow directions. I know that some of these behaviors are typical for his age, but I think he displays these characters more than most of the others his age. Other people say he doesn't.
So...while I continue to do the best I can...I am constantly second guessing myself. I love this kid so much and I just don't want to screw up with him.
Is this normal???
I am a preschool special education teacher (currently) that has also worked with students in grades K-6. I have worked with students with a wide range of disabilities ranging from autism to learning disabilities to emotional impairments to moderate cognitive impairments to mild speech delays. I am a good teacher. Parents frequently request that their child is placed in my classroom. I am frequently given the students with behavior problems and students labeled as "tough to teach." My classes fill up before any of the other teachers. I may not always feel like it, but I know that I am a good teacher.
So, how is it that I feel that I am a sub-par mom? My son is 2 years 10 months old...just a bit younger than my youngest student. I use the same methods to disipline my child as I do my students. I am consistent and fairly structured...yet flexible (yes, you can be both). On paper, I do everything right. In reality, I'm doing something wrong...somewhere.
My child is aggressive (spitting, hitting, kicking), back talks, and doesn't follow directions. I know that some of these behaviors are typical for his age, but I think he displays these characters more than most of the others his age. Other people say he doesn't.
So...while I continue to do the best I can...I am constantly second guessing myself. I love this kid so much and I just don't want to screw up with him.
Is this normal???
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
