A Call

This past Saturday, I had my hair "done" at a salon 2 blocks from my house. This was my 3rd or 4th time there. It's a very informal place that is owned by a girl in her mid-20's to mid-30's. I know that's quite a range, but I'm horrible at guessing ages. Two of the many people working for her are her mother and grandmother. One of the "services" that the grandmother provides is reading your cards.

Now, I don't set a lot of stock in this kind of thing, but I do find it fun. In the past I've gone to physics and have been pleased with the results (the last time was 4 years ago...maybe more...and she predicted my son and his name). I do this for entertainment purposes only and always take what I'm told with a grain on salt.

On Saturday, I agreed to have my cards read...it was cheap. I wasn't expecting much. Overall, what she said was pretty close and detailed. However, the majority of what she told me was not good. Some was real good...like the wish I made at the start of the reading would be coming true soon. My wish was that we would get matched with a baby and that everything would go through without any problems and it would all be great. (This is where most of my superstition is. Almost all of my wishes come true...at a price.) I left there feeling a bit creeped out.

So...today at work after my last class had left, I got a phone call from the adoption agency. They were calling to let us know that there was a birth mom who was considering adoption and had reached the point where she felt like she wanted to look at some profiles of potential adoptive parents. We were one of those couples. According to the lady from the agency, we match most of the things that the birth mom indicated were important to her. The lady also let me know that the baby was black and was supposed to be a girl. She then told me not to get too excited/get my hopes up...she just wanted to let us know that we were being looked at (see...those monthly letters harassing the agency are finally paying off!).

When I called hubby, he wanted to know what else I could tell him and I think he was a little miffed that I hadn't asked for more info. My feelings were that we were not at the point that I felt I wanted/needed to know more. If the birth mom decides to meet us, then I will have a lot more questions that I'll want answered before we meet her. As for now, I will be happy knowing that there has now been some activity...and I'll be praying that this birth mom makes the decision that is right for her (be it adoption or keeping the child).

An aside: Some one at work asked me if I was excited (they had overheard part of the conversation). I realized that no, I wasn't really. I was happy we were being looked at and hopeful that if this was what the mom wanted that she would pick us. However, this time around I'm having a difficult time being excited or hoping that the mom would decide on adoption. I truly want a baby. If we are picked...I will be so happy (as long as everything goes through). But, knowing the sacrifice being made puts a bit of a damper on any excitement that might occur.

A Peanut Funny:
Saturday night we went out to dinner and as usual, took Peanut. The 20 minute wait turned into almost an hour. Peanut was wonderful. When we finally were seated, the waitress came to take our drink orders. I ordered water and Hubby requested a beer. We didn't order for Peanut because we carry a sippy cup for him. Well, before the waitress could leave he said, "I want a water...please." It was so cute.

When Peanut's food came, he grabbed his fork and attempted to take a bite. It was hot. The waitress had stopped at a table next to ours and as she went to leave, Peanut waved at her and said (loudly), "Hey! This is too hot!" Hubby and I almost fell out of our chairs laughing. At home if food is too hot, we cool it off by sticking it in the fridge or freezer for a minute or two. We stopped him before he could request that she put it in the freezer. The fabulous waitress replied very nicely, "I guess you'll just have to blow on it a bit more."

Even When You're Naughty

Tonight, hubby and I went to a meeting for parents with active children. The group of six parents was brought together by the social worker (now retired) who facilitated the adoptions of our children. She had seen us at our annual Christmas party and we had all made comments about how active our children are. So out of the goodness of her heart, she is donating her time to help us get our group organized. We will be meeting once a month at a local library and discussing, amoung other things, the book Raising Your Spirited Child. Tonight, although just the first meeting, left most of us feeling a lot better.

When we got home, Peanut was still up so I put him to bed. Part of his bed time ritual is that I lay down with him and read him a book and sing him a song. Tonight, as usual, I was saying goodnight and when I said, "I love you," Peanut said, "What you say?" So I repeated, "I love you." Peanut smiled and said, "Even when your naughty!" Guess I've been saying that a lot. I'm glad he knows I love him regardless of his behavior.

Another cute story...

Today at nap time (same ritual as bedtime), I was really tired after work so I started to drift off. The next thing I know I feel something being set gently on my face...it was Peanut's favorite stuffed animal, "Fish." A few minutes later, I felt some tugging and then a blanket being laid over me. My baby was trying to make my "nap" comfortable. I love that kid!!!

Funny Comment

Maybe it's just me and I need to go back to work...soon...but I found this comment from Peanut to be really funny.

"Mommy, my penis is slippery!" (Said when he thought he had to urinate...but didn't. Maybe it was slippery...I don't know...but it was funny when he said it."

Uh Oh!

Are there two scarier words in the English language (if they are even real words)...especially when uttered by a three-year-old?

Now, take into account that said three-year-old is potty training. Do you see where I'm going with this?

This morning, while hubby was getting ready for work and I was checking the weather (we're having an ice storm here) Peanut is in the kitchen and we hear, "Uh oh, Daddy! Uh oh! There's poopy on the floor Daddy! Uh oh!" (I feel like I need to tell you that in the past, any "poopy" on the floor has been mud, leaves or anything else that is dark in color.)

Neither hubby and I were too concerned because, like I said, "poopy" has never been poopy before and we figured Peanut was over-reacting. Never the less, we both went to check it out.

Well, you've probably figured out that this time the "poopy" really was poopy. Ick. Hubby was not happy, while I had a difficult not laughing. You see, I had been telling hubby all weekend that while Peanut was potty training, briefs were a better choice than boxers. But...like usual...all of my training (not to mention that I'm the one that has been working with the babysitter on this...and she's trained many kids) means nothing if it isn't what hubby wants to hear.

So, while I go to get Peanut another pair of underwear, I hear hubby reprimanding Peanut. Now, don't get me wrong...Peanut should have used the toilet. However, he is fairly new to the toilet thing and he is learning. When I was walking back through the kitchen I whispered in hubby's ear, "Now do you see why I told you we needed to stick with briefs? Briefs would have kept 'it' off the floor." Yeah, I know. I'm not "the bigger person." I like to say, "I told you so," on occasion.

Well, we got everything cleaned up and Peanut will be wearing briefs from now on.

A Peanut Funny

Earlier today (or, since it's 1:44 a.m., yesterday) Peanut FINALLY used the toilet!! When he was done, he got off the toilet, looked at the "results" and flushed. A bit later, he came up to me and said, "Momma! I made a snowman!" Confused, because there is no snow, I asked, "where?"

"In the toilet!"

I'm not sure I'll ever look at another snowman the same!

'Night.

A Letter to My Son's Birth Mother

Dear K,

Tomorrow, as you know, is our son's 3rd birthday. B. and I will be throwing P. a party with lots of family and friends. We will celebrate with you and your family on another day privately (your wishes). In order to get ready for the party, I took today off so that I could make and decorate the cake, clean the house, and prepare the food.

As I was washing the dishes, I was thinking about our son and how wonderful he is. How amazing it has been to watch him grow from a newborn baby to the funny, intelligent, outgoing, energetic 3 year-old he is now (or tomorrow). This little 3 year-old, has touched so many lives and is loved by so many people. That is when it hit me...again. My joy has come at a huge cost to someone else.

I have always felt that twinge in me when I think about how happy I am to have P. in my life. Today, however, that twinge turned into a boulder...or maybe lightening strike would be more accurate. Whatever it was had me sitting on my kitchen floor sobbing into my suds covered hands.

You have given me a gift more precious to me than anything else. At the same time, this priceless gift has cost you so much. There is a chance that you don't feel an incredible sense of loss when you think about him, but I can't imagine that to be true.

I love my child so incredibly much that I would do anything to keep him safe and to make sure his needs are met. However, I'm not sure that I would be strong enough to make the choices you've made. You are so amazing to me. I know you aren't perfect. You are human. Which makes your gift to me even more precious. When I think about how hard (I imagine) this was/is for you, I just get overwhelmed.

I will never be able to express my gratitude, admiration, and love for you. We've talked about the fact that God does everything for a reason. I'm not sure why you had to feel pain, so that I could feel joy but I'm certain that you've earned a place in Heaven.

I couldn't have asked for a better person to be my son's first mother/other mother.


Thank you & God bless you,
A.

Resolution

Happy New Year!

Four days into the new year and I've been able to stick to my resolution! I am SO thrilled!!

I don't usually make resolutions, because I don't usually stick to them. I almost always resolve the do the same things (when I make them) which are: lose weight, be nicer to people, etc. I don't usually make it past the 1st day. As a result a few years ago, I stopped making resolutions.

This year, I decided I'd give it another try. However, I didn't want the "same old, same old." Everyone that knows me is always telling me that I am very hard on myself. I have been told this for years. The only people that don't tell me this are my parents (the ones that most likely taught me to be like this...only I don't see it as being hard on myself...just having high expectations). I'm also told (by my family and some times my friends) that I expect a lot out of people (I guess they are really saying that I am hard on others). I know that this is true. I do expect a lot out of others, but I expect more out of my self.

Anyway, I decided in order to "lighten up" on everyone else I need to lighten up on myself. Since I was a child, it has been engrained into me that I cannot expect someone else to do something that I, myself, wouldn't do. So, my hope is, if I can learn to be happy with where I'm at and who I am, then maybe I can learn to lighten up on myself/rid myself of some of my perfectionism. I know if I can expect less of myself, I'll expect less of others (although I don't think high expectations are truly bad thing...I probably do need to learn to lighten up).

My resolution for this year is to learn to like myself...who I am...where I'm at...to be good to myself...gentle. So far, I've been able to do this. I start to freak out that the house is a mess, that I'm going to try to squeeze 25 people into 2 small rooms on Saturday for a birthday party, that there is a TON of stuff to do and then I stop and remind myself...it's ok. It's ok if every part of the house isn't spotless. It's ok if we're a little crowded. We do this every year and it works out. Things will be ok. They usually are.

So...4 days down, 361 days left. I can do this!

Until next time...