It's been a while since I posted here. It's amazing how life can "get in the way." Work has been crazy (parent-teacher conferences, reports, testing, professional development) and every spare minute I have is spent with Hubby and Peanut.
There were a couple of times when I thought, "Gee. I should make a post." Then I got to thinking, "Why bother? In the last week or two, no one has visited. No one is reading it. Why post?" Well, I decided it wasn't about who reads it. It's about getting out my thoughts. It's about venting without hurting anyone in the process. While it would be nice sometimes to know that people were interested in what I have to say/what is going on, I also know that my life is average. I write about day-to-day things. I'm unwilling to write about any truely "strange" "fetishes" I might have because I am a coward. Even with the bit of anominity this blog offers me, I know how easy it is for someone to figure out any "mysteries." I really admire the other people to post all of their "darkest" secrets without any identifable fear. If only I could be more like that. Hence, my pitty party. Thanks for joining me.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
EEEEWW!
You've just gotta love two-year-olds. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, Peanut was playing in the living room. Suddenly, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet scurrying toward me followed shortly by Peanut's little voice shouting, "Mama! Mama! See eeeeww! See eeeeww! Mama! Come see eeeeww!!" I didn't rush out, because I figured the "eeeeww" was his breakfast that he'd dumped on the floor...messy, but not a biggy to clean.
When Peanut appeared in the doorway to the bathroom where I was curling my hair, he said, "I change diaper." He'd changed his diaper?? He was wearing a long t-shirt, but no pants (his diaper had leaked during the night and my hubby had just stuck Peanut in an oversized shirt, until it was time to get him ready to go to the sitters). When I lifted his shirt to look at his diaper...it was gone! Now, I'm sure some of you are sitting and thinking, "Well...duh!" Save it for my hubby. Anyway, the truth hadn't yet sunk in, so I walked out to the living room following Peanut while he continued to go on about the "eeeeww" and "changing" his diaper.
Well, I found the missing diaper (I was excepting that), but what I wasn't expecting was the nice firm round "eeeeww" sitting next to it. Yep. You guessed it. My little man had taken off his diaper and dumped a big turd on the carpet next to the diaper. Nice.
Well, I have to be honest...I laughed. I couldn't help it. I used the diaper to pick up the "eeeeww" and got rid of it. Then I took care of the child and cleaned the "spot" (although there was no visible evidence that the "incident" had occurred). He was SO proud of himself. I did tell him to let mama change his diapers in the future, but...what do you do??? I'm sure if there is a next time, it won't be as funny and will be handled a lot differently.
**sigh** Kids. You gotta love 'em.
When Peanut appeared in the doorway to the bathroom where I was curling my hair, he said, "I change diaper." He'd changed his diaper?? He was wearing a long t-shirt, but no pants (his diaper had leaked during the night and my hubby had just stuck Peanut in an oversized shirt, until it was time to get him ready to go to the sitters). When I lifted his shirt to look at his diaper...it was gone! Now, I'm sure some of you are sitting and thinking, "Well...duh!" Save it for my hubby. Anyway, the truth hadn't yet sunk in, so I walked out to the living room following Peanut while he continued to go on about the "eeeeww" and "changing" his diaper.
Well, I found the missing diaper (I was excepting that), but what I wasn't expecting was the nice firm round "eeeeww" sitting next to it. Yep. You guessed it. My little man had taken off his diaper and dumped a big turd on the carpet next to the diaper. Nice.
Well, I have to be honest...I laughed. I couldn't help it. I used the diaper to pick up the "eeeeww" and got rid of it. Then I took care of the child and cleaned the "spot" (although there was no visible evidence that the "incident" had occurred). He was SO proud of himself. I did tell him to let mama change his diapers in the future, but...what do you do??? I'm sure if there is a next time, it won't be as funny and will be handled a lot differently.
**sigh**
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Baby Update
We've reached a decision on the babies. We aren't going to do it. Actually, it ended up not even being the bipolar thing (which was a definite concern, but one we might have tried to deal with). After two days with off-the-wall kids at school (4, 5, 6 year olds), I am exhausted. Peanut has thankfully been having a bunch of "good" days where is follows directions most of the time and isn't hitting/kicking a lot. The thought that kept running through my head was "three kids under three." All I could think of was, if I had to go home to infant twins and a wonderfully, energetic two year old...I'd be in a mental ward by the end of the week.
Now, don't get me wrong, if I had twins I would deal with the craziness. However, I have been given a choice, so I'm going to use it. But after having talked with my friend who is a psychologist (and also married into a family with people who were bipolar), I feel comfortable with my decision. These babies deserve (as all babies do) to have someone that will be able to give them everything they need. If I'm burnt out from school and wrestling a toddler, there is a good chance that the babies will end up missing out on support they may need (especially if they are bipolar). Peanut would also be lose out on a LOT of attention...a lot more than if it were just one baby. So, at this time, this is the best decision for us. And for once, I feel confident I am doing the right thing.
Now, don't get me wrong, if I had twins I would deal with the craziness. However, I have been given a choice, so I'm going to use it. But after having talked with my friend who is a psychologist (and also married into a family with people who were bipolar), I feel comfortable with my decision. These babies deserve (as all babies do) to have someone that will be able to give them everything they need. If I'm burnt out from school and wrestling a toddler, there is a good chance that the babies will end up missing out on support they may need (especially if they are bipolar). Peanut would also be lose out on a LOT of attention...a lot more than if it were just one baby. So, at this time, this is the best decision for us. And for once, I feel confident I am doing the right thing.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
A Bit of Everything
I know I should be working on my lesson plans for this week, but I just can't seem to get motivated (the story of my life). Instead, I've been flipping through various blogs...most of them random. It appears that I am one of a small number not watching the Oscars (even people in London are watching!). Instead, I am peeking into the lives/thoughts of others while reruns of Law & Order: SVU play on USA.
I really should go to bed. I've been so tired lately and need to get some sleep. This will probably be a busy week. I need to have blood drawn to check my liver enzymes, make an appointment with the cardiologist, and another for an ultrasound. Eek! It certainly sounds likes I'm falling apart. You'd think that I was feeling horrible...not "normal."
I also need to make an appointment to meet with a personal trainer (to decide on a trainer or just the 'Y'), make an appointment to have my out-of-control hair done, eye-brows waxed, and do some more soul-searching on the subject of adopting "the twins" (see yesterday's post).
On the subject of the twins...the only conclusion I've come to so far is that the statement, "We fear most, those things we don't understand" (maybe not those exact words...but you get the picture), is certainly true. I am really worried about having a child that is bipolar. Then I realize, it's not just children...its grandchildren too. I certainly need to get more info from the birth mom and my co-workers. Again...if anyone else has any info...please, please help me out.
Well, I think I'll go check out a couple of more blogs, then go to bed. I'll have to do my lesson plans tomorrow. Thankfully, my building is really laid back. 'Night.
I really should go to bed. I've been so tired lately and need to get some sleep. This will probably be a busy week. I need to have blood drawn to check my liver enzymes, make an appointment with the cardiologist, and another for an ultrasound. Eek! It certainly sounds likes I'm falling apart. You'd think that I was feeling horrible...not "normal."
I also need to make an appointment to meet with a personal trainer (to decide on a trainer or just the 'Y'), make an appointment to have my out-of-control hair done, eye-brows waxed, and do some more soul-searching on the subject of adopting "the twins" (see yesterday's post).
On the subject of the twins...the only conclusion I've come to so far is that the statement, "We fear most, those things we don't understand" (maybe not those exact words...but you get the picture), is certainly true. I am really worried about having a child that is bipolar. Then I realize, it's not just children...its grandchildren too. I certainly need to get more info from the birth mom and my co-workers. Again...if anyone else has any info...please, please help me out.
Well, I think I'll go check out a couple of more blogs, then go to bed. I'll have to do my lesson plans tomorrow. Thankfully, my building is really laid back. 'Night.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Adoption News
Today I dragged my hubby to a parenting conference. It was really good and we were both happy we went.
While there, we ran into the social worker from our adoption agency (she is the one who told us about the conference). At the end, she came up and said that there is a mom who is thinking about placing her children (she's expecting twins...boy and girl!!) for adoption. The babies are bi-racial (Caucasian/african-american) and the agency only has two couples that are wanting a baby that is bi-racial (we are one of them). The only issue she wanted us to consider is that the mother is bipolar. She is on medication and she has never been hospitalized for it.
Surprisingly, hubby was, "I'm fine with it and Annie would love twins...she was really hoping for triplets!" I'm not. Although I wouldn't turn them down. Anyway, this is surprising, because this is the man that wouldn't want a baby with other traits that I consider less of a concern than being bipolar. I was actually the one that said I would like time to think about it, although if I were honest, my instinct is to say, "Not a problem." However, I don't know a lot about bipolar (disorder?). I came home and looked up some info. Overall, it wasn't too bad.
I knew it could be controlled/treated with medication. My concern is I have heard people say how their loved ones good through periods of "good times" and think they are ok and can stop taking their meds. When they do, this can lead to some pretty tough situations. I think my biggest fear is suicide. I know that this doesn't always happen and can also be committed by someone who is not bipolar. But the thought of losing another child scares the hell out of me. Again, I realize I could lose a child at any time, any place (crossing a street, bad fall, etc.), but this is a concern for me.
Thankfully, I am able to look up info and to call friends/co-workers (psychologists, social workers, and teachers) that have experience with people that are bipolar for more info. I just need to gather up enough info and think and pray about what we should do. I also feel like I need to try to make a balanced decision (one using BOTH my heart and my head).
There are also other concerns. With twins, they will have a blood connection to each other...Peanut won't have that connection to anyone in our family. Now, while a blood connection doesn't mean anything to me, I'm worried that one day it might make Peanut feel left out (?). He has a lot of blood relatives "out there" that hopefully he will one day be able to meet, but will he feel left out?
The last concern is (especially for hubby) what if the birth mom goes off her meds and we have an open adoption with visits already established. It is a valid concern. However, I told him that we would just tell this woman the same thing we told Peanut's birth mom. That we welcome (provided we feel like we've connected/are comfortable with her when we meet) an open adoption and would like her to visit us provided she was clean and sober and her behavior was not detrimental to the emotional and physical well-being of the children. This is a rule that applies to ANYONE that enters our house...not just birth parents.
Well, it's a lot to think about but I'm hoping to reach a decision by Friday. Most likely we'll say yes, but even if we do, there is no guarantee that the birth family will pick us. Oh, well. We'll decide what we want to do, and if it is meant to be it will happen. From there, everything, as usual, will be (as it always is...is this comment redundant?? I think it is...oh well.) in God's hands.
Wish me luck on my quest for info and on making the right decision on what to do. By the way, if anyone happens to stumble across this posting and has any experience/information/knows of resources they would be willing to share...PLEASE post a comment. Thank you.
While there, we ran into the social worker from our adoption agency (she is the one who told us about the conference). At the end, she came up and said that there is a mom who is thinking about placing her children (she's expecting twins...boy and girl!!) for adoption. The babies are bi-racial (Caucasian/african-american) and the agency only has two couples that are wanting a baby that is bi-racial (we are one of them). The only issue she wanted us to consider is that the mother is bipolar. She is on medication and she has never been hospitalized for it.
Surprisingly, hubby was, "I'm fine with it and Annie would love twins...she was really hoping for triplets!" I'm not. Although I wouldn't turn them down. Anyway, this is surprising, because this is the man that wouldn't want a baby with other traits that I consider less of a concern than being bipolar. I was actually the one that said I would like time to think about it, although if I were honest, my instinct is to say, "Not a problem." However, I don't know a lot about bipolar (disorder?). I came home and looked up some info. Overall, it wasn't too bad.
I knew it could be controlled/treated with medication. My concern is I have heard people say how their loved ones good through periods of "good times" and think they are ok and can stop taking their meds. When they do, this can lead to some pretty tough situations. I think my biggest fear is suicide. I know that this doesn't always happen and can also be committed by someone who is not bipolar. But the thought of losing another child scares the hell out of me. Again, I realize I could lose a child at any time, any place (crossing a street, bad fall, etc.), but this is a concern for me.
Thankfully, I am able to look up info and to call friends/co-workers (psychologists, social workers, and teachers) that have experience with people that are bipolar for more info. I just need to gather up enough info and think and pray about what we should do. I also feel like I need to try to make a balanced decision (one using BOTH my heart and my head).
There are also other concerns. With twins, they will have a blood connection to each other...Peanut won't have that connection to anyone in our family. Now, while a blood connection doesn't mean anything to me, I'm worried that one day it might make Peanut feel left out (?). He has a lot of blood relatives "out there" that hopefully he will one day be able to meet, but will he feel left out?
The last concern is (especially for hubby) what if the birth mom goes off her meds and we have an open adoption with visits already established. It is a valid concern. However, I told him that we would just tell this woman the same thing we told Peanut's birth mom. That we welcome (provided we feel like we've connected/are comfortable with her when we meet) an open adoption and would like her to visit us provided she was clean and sober and her behavior was not detrimental to the emotional and physical well-being of the children. This is a rule that applies to ANYONE that enters our house...not just birth parents.
Well, it's a lot to think about but I'm hoping to reach a decision by Friday. Most likely we'll say yes, but even if we do, there is no guarantee that the birth family will pick us. Oh, well. We'll decide what we want to do, and if it is meant to be it will happen. From there, everything, as usual, will be (as it always is...is this comment redundant?? I think it is...oh well.) in God's hands.
Wish me luck on my quest for info and on making the right decision on what to do. By the way, if anyone happens to stumble across this posting and has any experience/information/knows of resources they would be willing to share...PLEASE post a comment. Thank you.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
New Addiction
I have a new addiction (like I need another one)! About a month ago I "discovered" e-bay. I wanted to get my son a Little Tikes Hot Wheels Adventure Mountain that is no longer made, so I went on e-bay to see if I could find one. Well, I did. I lost the first two that I bid on and ended up getting another with all of the pieces for less than the other two that were missing a part or two.
My next purchases were puzzles for my classroom. I think this is when the "monster" was created. I currently have three items I'm watching and seven items I'm bidding on.
I'm okay as long as no one bids against me. But apparently I am a very competitive person (something I suspected, but now has been proven) and I really don't like to lose (who does?). I actually have to write down on paper my limit that I won't go over, or else I find myself bidding repeatedly just to "win." It might not even be an item that I really want, but I just want to win. Thankfully, I haven't overpaid for anything (unless you include the s&h)...yet. I've come close a couple of times, but lucky for me, I'm not the only fool out there.
So, now you know another of my "dirty little secrets." To all of you e-bayers that have out-bid me and ended up "saving" me from myself...Thank You!!!
See you on e-bay!
My next purchases were puzzles for my classroom. I think this is when the "monster" was created. I currently have three items I'm watching and seven items I'm bidding on.
I'm okay as long as no one bids against me. But apparently I am a very competitive person (something I suspected, but now has been proven) and I really don't like to lose (who does?). I actually have to write down on paper my limit that I won't go over, or else I find myself bidding repeatedly just to "win." It might not even be an item that I really want, but I just want to win. Thankfully, I haven't overpaid for anything (unless you include the s&h)...yet. I've come close a couple of times, but lucky for me, I'm not the only fool out there.
So, now you know another of my "dirty little secrets." To all of you e-bayers that have out-bid me and ended up "saving" me from myself...Thank You!!!
See you on e-bay!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Favorite Things
Ok. Here's the deal...I'm tired of being cranky. Yesterday, I was so crabby that I just couldn't bring myself to post anything. Today has been much better, but I want keep my focus positive and the best way I can think of to do this is to just make a list of my favorite things. So here goes (please note that these are not necessarily in any order...except how they pop into my brain).
My Favorite Things
1. watching my son sleep
2. being with my family...and just having fun
3. kisses/hugs from my son
4. kisses/hugs from my husband
5. watching the sun come up over the ocean
6. the feeling of being in love (first or new)...the colors are brighter, air is crisper, everything is beautiful and you feel like you're floating
7. warm bed on a cold night/cool bed on a hot night
8. my husband letting me stick my icy feet between his legs to warm them up
9. a warm, light summer rain
10. the smell of spring/fall
11. watching the face of a child as they discover something new
12. playing in the leaves in the fall
13. making snow angels
14. the smell of rain
15. holding your baby
16. a song that brings back a good memory
17. a good joke
18. a good cry
19. a good laugh (one that leaves your stomach and sides aching)
20. a good book that gives you 17, 18, and 19
21. a good movie that gives you 17, 18, and 19
22. a dress that makes you feel thin
23. a haircut that makes you feel good
24. waking up with a smile on your face
25. a kiss that makes your toes curl
26. sex
27. laying in bed and listening to it rain
28. the silence on a snowy night
29. a white Christmas
30. sledding followed by hot chocolate in front a fire
31. a massage
This isn't everything, but I was smiling by number 5. I feel so much better.
My Favorite Things
1. watching my son sleep
2. being with my family...and just having fun
3. kisses/hugs from my son
4. kisses/hugs from my husband
5. watching the sun come up over the ocean
6. the feeling of being in love (first or new)...the colors are brighter, air is crisper, everything is beautiful and you feel like you're floating
7. warm bed on a cold night/cool bed on a hot night
8. my husband letting me stick my icy feet between his legs to warm them up
9. a warm, light summer rain
10. the smell of spring/fall
11. watching the face of a child as they discover something new
12. playing in the leaves in the fall
13. making snow angels
14. the smell of rain
15. holding your baby
16. a song that brings back a good memory
17. a good joke
18. a good cry
19. a good laugh (one that leaves your stomach and sides aching)
20. a good book that gives you 17, 18, and 19
21. a good movie that gives you 17, 18, and 19
22. a dress that makes you feel thin
23. a haircut that makes you feel good
24. waking up with a smile on your face
25. a kiss that makes your toes curl
26. sex
27. laying in bed and listening to it rain
28. the silence on a snowy night
29. a white Christmas
30. sledding followed by hot chocolate in front a fire
31. a massage
This isn't everything, but I was smiling by number 5. I feel so much better.
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