I Have Survived!!

It sounds a bit more dramatic than it really is, but I have survived. I survived one month (it was actually longer, but the truly trying time has been the last month) of planning a wedding shower for my husband's step-sister (a real sweet-heart) with his step-mom (normally a very sweet, fun person).

Here's a bit of backgroun on SMIL (step-mother-in-law). She has been married to my father-in-law twice (and we'll leave it at that). She is normally (at least when we are around and that isn't as often as any of us would like...usually) fun, sweet, and incrediably caring. She wants desperately for everyone she loves to be happy...and this is where the problems begin. The most annoying behavior we usually see from SMIL is at Christmas when we get what has now become known as the "Grandma Death Letters." Every year we get emails trying to pin down a date at Christmas that EVERYONE can make it. Every year it's impossible...at least one person can't make it. This is a "mixed family" or maybe the term is "blended family." There 4 children (2 his and 2 hers...from seperate marriages...none together). Hubby is the only married child (who also has a family...Peanut and I). The 4 kids all have their "other" family to work around and my hubby also has my family. Then there is the fact that 2 of the 4 kids live out of state along with grandmothers and an aunt and uncle. See how confusing it gets?

Well, when SMIL can't get everyone to agree to a time and place (last year she wanted us to drive 8 hours round trip to have dinner in a restuarant with a 1 year-old!), we get the "letters." They essentially state that this year is quite possibly Grandma's last year on Earth and we should all make every effort to come. How would we feel if she died and we missed our last chance to see her???

Guilt does not work with me...it just pisses me off! My own mother has never tried to guilt me into anything. AARGH!!

Anyway...back to the shower. I had offered to give a shower to my husband's step-sis when we were told she was getting married. Because is was a very short engagement (a couple of months...I know there are shorter...FYI: she's not pregnant either) we had to work fast. I explained to my SMIL that because I had a lot of weddings this year and was giving another shower, I couldn't afford to spend a lot of money. She said fine and it was decided that she would help give the shower (cover the meal and the room that she picked out at a local hotel).
So far so good.

In the last 3 weeks, the "theme" changed 2 times, the room changed 3 times, the layout changed 2 times (the last being 2 hours before the shower), the menu changed 4 times, the cake changed 1 time (the day before the shower...more on this later), the decorations changed too many times to count, not to mention the guest list changed 4 days before the shower. I was getting up to 4 emails a day from SMIL. Usually she would ask for my advice (she's never given a shower...I have given a lot), but then ignore it. Our $300 budget (this is just for the cake, decorations, invitations, etc. It doesn't include the room and meal) quickly was blown. Please note that I have never spent that much for an entire shower (everything included) in my life!! Granted there are usually 10 people giving the shower instead of 3, but still!!! It was the most elaborate and wasteful shower (we used only a fraction of the stuff we bought) I've ever seen.

The most stressful time happened (understandably) the week before the shower. The stress was brought on by SMIL not being able to make up her mind and stick with a decision (this was the biggest problem throughout). With 4 days before the shower, SMIL changes the whole make-up of the party by inviting the guys (who were previously going to go to lunch together). She was upset because some older out of town relatives couldn't make it (hello...the youngest was in her 60's and none are in good health) and the other guests weren't RSVPing (she had decided to do regrets only...this is not a good thing for her). So, she didn't want to only have 13 people there and invited the guys. No biggy, but she then expected me to find an overnight sitter for Peanut at the last minute. It wasn't happening, so then we got the shower's equivelent to the "Grandma Death Letter." She accused hubby and I (mostly me I think) of being unsupportive and asked how we would feel if this (a small party) happened to us. Like I stated earlier, I don't do guilt well. I talked it over with hubby and because this is not the first time (nor even the third) that we've gotten messages like this, he was okay with the response I sent her. I tried to be as nice as possible, while conveying to her to "get over it." As a result my nice but very pointed letter (I told her I was sure she didn't mean it, but I didn't like to be attacked and called unsupportive) I 'm sure I made her cry. Knowing I probably made her cry (she's VERY sensitive...me...not so much), I sent her a stress-relief basket to soften the blow. I do love the woman...I just don't like her when she's planning an event.

Moving on...the day before the shower was when the comedy of errors really began and none were because of SMIL. Before we left to drive the 3 hours to the in-laws place, I checked my email. SMIL had sent me a note asking me to call the cake place...down the street from her house and have her future son-in-law's name added to the cake (I had wanted to do this when we ordered the cake). No problem. When I called the store, they couldn't find the order, but the women supposedly wrote down my request along with my name, the pick up time and 2 phone numbers (home and cell). Then I called my mom to ask a quick question and was told she had just gotten word that a cousin of mine who had been battling cancer only had days to live. Once Hubby, Peanut and I got on the road we found that our normal 3 hour drive was going to be a bit longer. The trip to the other side of "town" usually takes about an hour. 2 1/2 hours later, we finally made it out...gotta love construction. Our 3 hour drive took us a total of 5 1/2 hours thanks to construction.

After arriving at the in-laws things were fine. SMIL and I hugged and made sure that we were okay. Like I said, I love her and usually like her a lot. We went out for a nice dinner. Then Hubby, Peanut and I went to pick up the cake. You've probably already guessed that there was no cake. We looked everywhere, as did 3 store employees (there was no record of the order or of my conversation with the woman earlier in the day...nor did anyone leave us messages...we checked). Lucky for us the "best decorator" came in at that time. Within 15 minutes she had whipped us up a beautiful cake. We did have to call SMIL and have her confirm the color of the flowers. When she asked Hubby how the cake looked, he told her it was beautiful...mind you, at the time there was no cake. She never knew that the cake was not there or that the store gave it to us for free. Can't wait to share that story!

Anyway, the end result was that the shower was elegant and fun. The food was good. The cake was great! Everyone (except SMIL) had a wonderful time (she spent a lot of time in the bathroom crying...never did find out if it was me or her ex-husband's wife that made her cry). I tried to be "gentle" with her and not do anything to set her off, but I don't "get" sensitive/indecisive people and acknowledge the fact that there might have been something (though I can't imagine what) I did that upset her. She came home from the shower, laid down on the couch and cried some more. I am completely baffled.

Well, it over and there are only 2 left unmarried. Both boys...men. One I can do a shower with his mom. SMIL's son...I'm thinking I'll donate money but be too busy to help. Not fair, but better for me.

Until later...