A Letter to My Son's Birth Mother

Dear K,

Tomorrow, as you know, is our son's 3rd birthday. B. and I will be throwing P. a party with lots of family and friends. We will celebrate with you and your family on another day privately (your wishes). In order to get ready for the party, I took today off so that I could make and decorate the cake, clean the house, and prepare the food.

As I was washing the dishes, I was thinking about our son and how wonderful he is. How amazing it has been to watch him grow from a newborn baby to the funny, intelligent, outgoing, energetic 3 year-old he is now (or tomorrow). This little 3 year-old, has touched so many lives and is loved by so many people. That is when it hit me...again. My joy has come at a huge cost to someone else.

I have always felt that twinge in me when I think about how happy I am to have P. in my life. Today, however, that twinge turned into a boulder...or maybe lightening strike would be more accurate. Whatever it was had me sitting on my kitchen floor sobbing into my suds covered hands.

You have given me a gift more precious to me than anything else. At the same time, this priceless gift has cost you so much. There is a chance that you don't feel an incredible sense of loss when you think about him, but I can't imagine that to be true.

I love my child so incredibly much that I would do anything to keep him safe and to make sure his needs are met. However, I'm not sure that I would be strong enough to make the choices you've made. You are so amazing to me. I know you aren't perfect. You are human. Which makes your gift to me even more precious. When I think about how hard (I imagine) this was/is for you, I just get overwhelmed.

I will never be able to express my gratitude, admiration, and love for you. We've talked about the fact that God does everything for a reason. I'm not sure why you had to feel pain, so that I could feel joy but I'm certain that you've earned a place in Heaven.

I couldn't have asked for a better person to be my son's first mother/other mother.


Thank you & God bless you,
A.