Adoption News

Today I dragged my hubby to a parenting conference. It was really good and we were both happy we went.

While there, we ran into the social worker from our adoption agency (she is the one who told us about the conference). At the end, she came up and said that there is a mom who is thinking about placing her children (she's expecting twins...boy and girl!!) for adoption. The babies are bi-racial (Caucasian/african-american) and the agency only has two couples that are wanting a baby that is bi-racial (we are one of them). The only issue she wanted us to consider is that the mother is bipolar. She is on medication and she has never been hospitalized for it.

Surprisingly, hubby was, "I'm fine with it and Annie would love twins...she was really hoping for triplets!" I'm not. Although I wouldn't turn them down. Anyway, this is surprising, because this is the man that wouldn't want a baby with other traits that I consider less of a concern than being bipolar. I was actually the one that said I would like time to think about it, although if I were honest, my instinct is to say, "Not a problem." However, I don't know a lot about bipolar (disorder?). I came home and looked up some info. Overall, it wasn't too bad.

I knew it could be controlled/treated with medication. My concern is I have heard people say how their loved ones good through periods of "good times" and think they are ok and can stop taking their meds. When they do, this can lead to some pretty tough situations. I think my biggest fear is suicide. I know that this doesn't always happen and can also be committed by someone who is not bipolar. But the thought of losing another child scares the hell out of me. Again, I realize I could lose a child at any time, any place (crossing a street, bad fall, etc.), but this is a concern for me.

Thankfully, I am able to look up info and to call friends/co-workers (psychologists, social workers, and teachers) that have experience with people that are bipolar for more info. I just need to gather up enough info and think and pray about what we should do. I also feel like I need to try to make a balanced decision (one using BOTH my heart and my head).

There are also other concerns. With twins, they will have a blood connection to each other...Peanut won't have that connection to anyone in our family. Now, while a blood connection doesn't mean anything to me, I'm worried that one day it might make Peanut feel left out (?). He has a lot of blood relatives "out there" that hopefully he will one day be able to meet, but will he feel left out?

The last concern is (especially for hubby) what if the birth mom goes off her meds and we have an open adoption with visits already established. It is a valid concern. However, I told him that we would just tell this woman the same thing we told Peanut's birth mom. That we welcome (provided we feel like we've connected/are comfortable with her when we meet) an open adoption and would like her to visit us provided she was clean and sober and her behavior was not detrimental to the emotional and physical well-being of the children. This is a rule that applies to ANYONE that enters our house...not just birth parents.

Well, it's a lot to think about but I'm hoping to reach a decision by Friday. Most likely we'll say yes, but even if we do, there is no guarantee that the birth family will pick us. Oh, well. We'll decide what we want to do, and if it is meant to be it will happen. From there, everything, as usual, will be (as it always is...is this comment redundant?? I think it is...oh well.) in God's hands.

Wish me luck on my quest for info and on making the right decision on what to do. By the way, if anyone happens to stumble across this posting and has any experience/information/knows of resources they would be willing to share...PLEASE post a comment. Thank you.